Too strong?
I keep hearing that I am a strong woman. Too strong at times and that I do not know how to yield and surrender. I keep hearing it so I need to sit down and evaluate whether it is true and whether it is something I need to change.
Yes, I am strong. I am a ALPHA GIrl. I come from a strong line of women. My grandmother was a landowner in a time when most women owned nothing and black women did not exist. My mother is a warrior. Divorced twice, she raised 6 girls with no help and no welfare. My sisters, all five of them are warriors in their own right. Overcomers of abusive men, broken hearts, drug addictions and disease. They are beautiful and brilliant. When growing up, they were known as the Haywood girls and my father said he use to pull out his pistol often. I am my daddies only child, but when he married my mother they all became his daughters.
I have had to overcome my own sadness. My own disappointments with life and men. At a very early age, I was out earning my peers and traveling the country. I did not get married until I was 29 and had my first child at 30. I lavished in being single and capable. One of the reasons I think my marriage did not last is because I never needed my ex-husband. He was like an accessory in my life. If he came home. Cool. If he did not. Cool. Most of the time he was in the way. That is a horrible thing to say but it is true.
I have learned that men do not want to feel dispensable. They want to feel as if the sun rises and sets on them.
Listen, all I know is strong. All I know is how to grind. How to make it happen. How to raise two amazing children without them lacking a thing. All I know is at the end of the day, the only person I know for sure will be standing there is Dana.
That does not mean I do not need you. I need you. I want you. Love me wholly. Don't ever make me choose between myself and you....because I will always choose me. This is not a fight. No winners or losers. I want to be here. I am willing to surrender. I am. I will yield. I will. I just do not know what that looks like. Love be patient with me. I am working on it.
Yes, I am strong. I am a ALPHA GIrl. I come from a strong line of women. My grandmother was a landowner in a time when most women owned nothing and black women did not exist. My mother is a warrior. Divorced twice, she raised 6 girls with no help and no welfare. My sisters, all five of them are warriors in their own right. Overcomers of abusive men, broken hearts, drug addictions and disease. They are beautiful and brilliant. When growing up, they were known as the Haywood girls and my father said he use to pull out his pistol often. I am my daddies only child, but when he married my mother they all became his daughters.
I have had to overcome my own sadness. My own disappointments with life and men. At a very early age, I was out earning my peers and traveling the country. I did not get married until I was 29 and had my first child at 30. I lavished in being single and capable. One of the reasons I think my marriage did not last is because I never needed my ex-husband. He was like an accessory in my life. If he came home. Cool. If he did not. Cool. Most of the time he was in the way. That is a horrible thing to say but it is true.
I have learned that men do not want to feel dispensable. They want to feel as if the sun rises and sets on them.
Listen, all I know is strong. All I know is how to grind. How to make it happen. How to raise two amazing children without them lacking a thing. All I know is at the end of the day, the only person I know for sure will be standing there is Dana.
That does not mean I do not need you. I need you. I want you. Love me wholly. Don't ever make me choose between myself and you....because I will always choose me. This is not a fight. No winners or losers. I want to be here. I am willing to surrender. I am. I will yield. I will. I just do not know what that looks like. Love be patient with me. I am working on it.
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